Our latest cocktail of choice: One part baby, one part toddler, one part reno: mix until utter exhaustion sets in
“So how does it feel to be a single parent?” This from my husband a week or so ago.
Let me give some background on this query. They say the first six weeks after a baby is born are the hardest. The baby's sleep pattern is, well, non-existent; the baby and parents are trying to figure out the feeding thing (especially true with breastfeeding); parents are adjusting to the effect a baby has on their relationship; and so on.
Well, with this being our second go around with this baby thing - and thus our status of trained professionals who've got it all down pat - my husband and I felt that these first six weeks wouldn't be hard enough with just a baby (and let us not forget a two year old as well) so we decided to throw a basement reno, with very little hired help, into the mix.
In case you're wondering, adding such an activity to those six weeks does, in fact, make them more difficult.
Okay, so my husband and I are not really that idiotic and we didn't decide to hold off on the reno until our new daughter arrived. However, as with most renovation projects I've heard of, ours started later than planned (by a few months actually) and as is so often the case with older houses, we ran into some unexpected problems along the way (such as some atrocious previous-owner DIY electrical work that had our wee home operating pretty close to a ticking time bomb for an electrical fire). So there were delays. We're on our way now, though, and my husband assures me it will all be done by Christmas. It was originally supposed to be done mid-September.
No matter.
I get some pretty quizzical looks to that last statement when I relate our reno tale. People (women especially) wonder how I'm not furious. Or angry. Or frustrated at least. Because I'm really not any of those things. I am, though, very much looking forward to the reno's completion. It will add a much-needed third bedroom to our abode, as well as a pretty awesome rec room.
Well, first off, the way I see it, there's nothing to be gained from being mad. My husband now knows the reno should have gotten underway months ago. He's expressed very genuine remorse over it and has offered heartfelt apologies. Injecting unnecessary anger or bitterness into our marriage is probably the worst thing I could do right now. I have enough going on mentally, emotionally and physically in these weeks and my husband has enough stress and pressure with all the work he's doing.
And he's doing a lot of it – every night after his paid work finishes and every weekend he is downstairs working away on our basement. This is where his single parent question comes from. I – and our daughters – barely see him for all the work he's doing. Although he helps with the girls' care as much as he can, I am pretty much doing it all (plus cooking, laundry and only the bare minimum of cleaning) on my own, day in and day out. It's hard work, no doubt about it. Especially with the pretty sizable sleep deprivation I'm operating under and certainly with our toddler who is currently being every bit the typical two year old.
The biggest reason I'm not being a huge grump about it all, though, is how all of this work is getting done. We have had more help from family and friends than I ever would have thought possible. Literally. And it just about brings me to tears. Also literally, and please don't write that off as post-baby hormonal stuff because, quite plainly, it's not.
My brother-in-law is here a lot, possibly more than he's at his home . My father-in-law regularly stops into our house for a few hours here and there to "putter away". Almost makes it sound fun. My dad calls every couple of days to find out when he can next lend a hand. Lots of people do that, actually. My uncle spent the better part of two weeks' evenings leading the rewiring of our entire house. Our neighbour wanders in through our back door and I don't even know he's here until he resurfaces some time later. He even took a sick day off work and spent it cleaning up our basement so the next phase of work could start. Friends of both the young and older variety give up their weekends to spend them in our basement.
And the help doesn't stop below ground. I've had more offers of very practical help than I know what to do with. Offers to take our older daughter off my hands for a morning, evening, day, or sleep over. Offers to not only allow me to use their laundry facilities when ours was out of commission, but offers for me to just drop off loads of laundry to be done. It's a little foreign to me since I'm not used to accepting help, but I've never needed more help than I do now so I do my best to say "yes" when it makes sense to.
It's all very overwhelming and with so much to be so thankful for, I just can't be bothered to be mad. Harbouring these kinds of negative feelings just doesn't make sense amidst this tidal wave of support.
I will admit that all of the work being done by both my husband and me is taking its toll. We're both approaching a state of being truly burned out. Soon enough it will all be over, though, and we'll look back on the crazy "reno days", and probably have a chuckle as we ask ourselves "What were we thinking?!" Until then we'll just, as every elementary teacher I ever had advised, "stay on task", with our eyes on the prize, and keep loving each other and acting like it. Our little world will be a better place that way.
Let me give some background on this query. They say the first six weeks after a baby is born are the hardest. The baby's sleep pattern is, well, non-existent; the baby and parents are trying to figure out the feeding thing (especially true with breastfeeding); parents are adjusting to the effect a baby has on their relationship; and so on.
Well, with this being our second go around with this baby thing - and thus our status of trained professionals who've got it all down pat - my husband and I felt that these first six weeks wouldn't be hard enough with just a baby (and let us not forget a two year old as well) so we decided to throw a basement reno, with very little hired help, into the mix.
In case you're wondering, adding such an activity to those six weeks does, in fact, make them more difficult.
Okay, so my husband and I are not really that idiotic and we didn't decide to hold off on the reno until our new daughter arrived. However, as with most renovation projects I've heard of, ours started later than planned (by a few months actually) and as is so often the case with older houses, we ran into some unexpected problems along the way (such as some atrocious previous-owner DIY electrical work that had our wee home operating pretty close to a ticking time bomb for an electrical fire). So there were delays. We're on our way now, though, and my husband assures me it will all be done by Christmas. It was originally supposed to be done mid-September.
No matter.
I get some pretty quizzical looks to that last statement when I relate our reno tale. People (women especially) wonder how I'm not furious. Or angry. Or frustrated at least. Because I'm really not any of those things. I am, though, very much looking forward to the reno's completion. It will add a much-needed third bedroom to our abode, as well as a pretty awesome rec room.
Well, first off, the way I see it, there's nothing to be gained from being mad. My husband now knows the reno should have gotten underway months ago. He's expressed very genuine remorse over it and has offered heartfelt apologies. Injecting unnecessary anger or bitterness into our marriage is probably the worst thing I could do right now. I have enough going on mentally, emotionally and physically in these weeks and my husband has enough stress and pressure with all the work he's doing.
And he's doing a lot of it – every night after his paid work finishes and every weekend he is downstairs working away on our basement. This is where his single parent question comes from. I – and our daughters – barely see him for all the work he's doing. Although he helps with the girls' care as much as he can, I am pretty much doing it all (plus cooking, laundry and only the bare minimum of cleaning) on my own, day in and day out. It's hard work, no doubt about it. Especially with the pretty sizable sleep deprivation I'm operating under and certainly with our toddler who is currently being every bit the typical two year old.
The biggest reason I'm not being a huge grump about it all, though, is how all of this work is getting done. We have had more help from family and friends than I ever would have thought possible. Literally. And it just about brings me to tears. Also literally, and please don't write that off as post-baby hormonal stuff because, quite plainly, it's not.
My brother-in-law is here a lot, possibly more than he's at his home . My father-in-law regularly stops into our house for a few hours here and there to "putter away". Almost makes it sound fun. My dad calls every couple of days to find out when he can next lend a hand. Lots of people do that, actually. My uncle spent the better part of two weeks' evenings leading the rewiring of our entire house. Our neighbour wanders in through our back door and I don't even know he's here until he resurfaces some time later. He even took a sick day off work and spent it cleaning up our basement so the next phase of work could start. Friends of both the young and older variety give up their weekends to spend them in our basement.
And the help doesn't stop below ground. I've had more offers of very practical help than I know what to do with. Offers to take our older daughter off my hands for a morning, evening, day, or sleep over. Offers to not only allow me to use their laundry facilities when ours was out of commission, but offers for me to just drop off loads of laundry to be done. It's a little foreign to me since I'm not used to accepting help, but I've never needed more help than I do now so I do my best to say "yes" when it makes sense to.
It's all very overwhelming and with so much to be so thankful for, I just can't be bothered to be mad. Harbouring these kinds of negative feelings just doesn't make sense amidst this tidal wave of support.
I will admit that all of the work being done by both my husband and me is taking its toll. We're both approaching a state of being truly burned out. Soon enough it will all be over, though, and we'll look back on the crazy "reno days", and probably have a chuckle as we ask ourselves "What were we thinking?!" Until then we'll just, as every elementary teacher I ever had advised, "stay on task", with our eyes on the prize, and keep loving each other and acting like it. Our little world will be a better place that way.
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