So Typical
The New Mom is a societal stock character. I think I used to believe that a new mom's morphing into this character was not inevitable. I think I thought there was a chance I would be different. How ridiculous.
Of course I knew having a baby would change everything, especially me. That's the first thing everyone who already is a parent tells you when you share the news that you are expecting. But then, there is a very real difference between knowing that something will change and experiencing it. I was as prepared for this baby experience as I could have been. By that I mean I came in with no expectations. That doesn't mean I didn't expect much, it means I wasn't going to conjure and hold all subsequent experiences accountable to a picture of how life with baby would be. It also means I didn't expect that I would become the typical new mom.
Regardless of my anti-expectation expectations (still with me?), I have become, in some ways, quite typical in my new mom persona. Here I will try to account for some of this stock character's attributes.
The Pyjama Thing
Yes, it's quite often a struggle to fit a shower in a day if I want to make sure dinner is planned and prepared, the dog is (and I am) walked, laundry is underway, and any necessary errands have been run. Oh, this is on top of my real job for the year - the real reason the government is paying me: to care for my daughter and nurture her development.
I usually manage to stumble into something other than pyjamas - even if they are just as (un)fetching as pyjamas - in the still-dark morning. A shower is a bonus. For me and everyone I may run into in a day.
The Head in the Sand Thing
I am not caught up on the news: local, provincial, federal, worldly, celebrity or otherwise. Even pre-baby I never watched the evening news. I would sometimes tune into the local news on the radio at lunch if I thought of it.
Now that I have a baby the complete lack of news in my life comes down to filtering. That which I need to know, and that which I do not. Do I need to know from, and in, which directions the latest political mud is being slung? Nope. Do I need to know to which club Britney Spears has most recently gone commando? Also nope. Since it's these kinds of stories that constitute news these days, I don't really need to get involved in it all and expose myself to it.
Did I need to hear about the recent rash of troubles with the BumboTM chair, of which we happen to be owners? Maybe. But, rather than hear it in a sensationalistic forum such as the 6 o'clock news ("Which baby equipment has killed one baby...so far? Tune into Channel Nine: News You Can Use at 6 to find out."), I found out in the online new baby forum I frequent.
Do I need to learn how to go about getting my daughter onto solid food? Sure do. Do I need to know where I can take my daughter on an outing that is baby- and breastfeeding-friendly and also that requires little advance commitment? Yep. So these are things I look into. These are the kinds of things with which I fill my days (to answer those who have never stayed home with a baby's query: "So, what do you do all day?").
The Hermit Thing
At this stage in the game we are now a family of hermits. Friends ask us to join them for dinner at the pub. My husband and I drool. Good thing there's an abundance of bibs around this joint.
There are two roadblocks on the way to pubdom: a very real lack of funds, and of course - most importantly - a wee one who fancies bath and bed time commencing at 7:00 pm. Our friends, all of them kidless, are surprisingly understanding. Most often they extend an invitation just so we feel included, so we can keep our ears to the ground even if we are pinned to it.
But, pre-child I think my husband and I would have regarded our equivalents skeptically. Wondered why oh why that couple has let themselves get so baby-crazy. Babies aren't the end of life after all, right? This misconception gets started by the fact that babies are portable at first. Though the first six weeks are the hardest on new parents, I think babies are designed to be their most portable when the parents are the most stressed. Even if you barely feel sane, at least your baby allows you to venture out into the world of the normal.
I think our childless equivalents would see all the socializing we did in the first couple of months and wonder what changed. Knowing nothing about babies we'd probably conclude that the new parents had just given up. Let the baby win. Surrendered to the gray of parenthood.
Well, I suppose baby has won for us. But I'd hardly say our life is gray. Whatever colour it is, our life sparkles with irresistible little noises we now know are guffaws and the most amazingly genuine (and toothless) smiles we've ever seen in our lives.
So yes, we dearly miss our old social life. In fact, I don't think it's going too far to say we have mourned its passing - and maybe still do sometimes. The fact that we are the first of our friends to have a baby probably makes it harder. But don't cry for us dear readers. The rewards our baby brings far outweigh the sacrifices she requires.
New Mom I certainly am. I do wear my hair in a ponytail everyday and my straightening iron is literally covered in dust. At least we don't have a mini-van. Our recently acquired compact SUV does us just fine...
Of course I knew having a baby would change everything, especially me. That's the first thing everyone who already is a parent tells you when you share the news that you are expecting. But then, there is a very real difference between knowing that something will change and experiencing it. I was as prepared for this baby experience as I could have been. By that I mean I came in with no expectations. That doesn't mean I didn't expect much, it means I wasn't going to conjure and hold all subsequent experiences accountable to a picture of how life with baby would be. It also means I didn't expect that I would become the typical new mom.
Regardless of my anti-expectation expectations (still with me?), I have become, in some ways, quite typical in my new mom persona. Here I will try to account for some of this stock character's attributes.
The Pyjama Thing
Yes, it's quite often a struggle to fit a shower in a day if I want to make sure dinner is planned and prepared, the dog is (and I am) walked, laundry is underway, and any necessary errands have been run. Oh, this is on top of my real job for the year - the real reason the government is paying me: to care for my daughter and nurture her development.
I usually manage to stumble into something other than pyjamas - even if they are just as (un)fetching as pyjamas - in the still-dark morning. A shower is a bonus. For me and everyone I may run into in a day.
The Head in the Sand Thing
I am not caught up on the news: local, provincial, federal, worldly, celebrity or otherwise. Even pre-baby I never watched the evening news. I would sometimes tune into the local news on the radio at lunch if I thought of it.
Now that I have a baby the complete lack of news in my life comes down to filtering. That which I need to know, and that which I do not. Do I need to know from, and in, which directions the latest political mud is being slung? Nope. Do I need to know to which club Britney Spears has most recently gone commando? Also nope. Since it's these kinds of stories that constitute news these days, I don't really need to get involved in it all and expose myself to it.
Did I need to hear about the recent rash of troubles with the BumboTM chair, of which we happen to be owners? Maybe. But, rather than hear it in a sensationalistic forum such as the 6 o'clock news ("Which baby equipment has killed one baby...so far? Tune into Channel Nine: News You Can Use at 6 to find out."), I found out in the online new baby forum I frequent.
Do I need to learn how to go about getting my daughter onto solid food? Sure do. Do I need to know where I can take my daughter on an outing that is baby- and breastfeeding-friendly and also that requires little advance commitment? Yep. So these are things I look into. These are the kinds of things with which I fill my days (to answer those who have never stayed home with a baby's query: "So, what do you do all day?").
The Hermit Thing
At this stage in the game we are now a family of hermits. Friends ask us to join them for dinner at the pub. My husband and I drool. Good thing there's an abundance of bibs around this joint.
There are two roadblocks on the way to pubdom: a very real lack of funds, and of course - most importantly - a wee one who fancies bath and bed time commencing at 7:00 pm. Our friends, all of them kidless, are surprisingly understanding. Most often they extend an invitation just so we feel included, so we can keep our ears to the ground even if we are pinned to it.
But, pre-child I think my husband and I would have regarded our equivalents skeptically. Wondered why oh why that couple has let themselves get so baby-crazy. Babies aren't the end of life after all, right? This misconception gets started by the fact that babies are portable at first. Though the first six weeks are the hardest on new parents, I think babies are designed to be their most portable when the parents are the most stressed. Even if you barely feel sane, at least your baby allows you to venture out into the world of the normal.
I think our childless equivalents would see all the socializing we did in the first couple of months and wonder what changed. Knowing nothing about babies we'd probably conclude that the new parents had just given up. Let the baby win. Surrendered to the gray of parenthood.
Well, I suppose baby has won for us. But I'd hardly say our life is gray. Whatever colour it is, our life sparkles with irresistible little noises we now know are guffaws and the most amazingly genuine (and toothless) smiles we've ever seen in our lives.
So yes, we dearly miss our old social life. In fact, I don't think it's going too far to say we have mourned its passing - and maybe still do sometimes. The fact that we are the first of our friends to have a baby probably makes it harder. But don't cry for us dear readers. The rewards our baby brings far outweigh the sacrifices she requires.
New Mom I certainly am. I do wear my hair in a ponytail everyday and my straightening iron is literally covered in dust. At least we don't have a mini-van. Our recently acquired compact SUV does us just fine...
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