The (Not-So) Great Debate
"Wow, you must love being off work for a whole year - like being on vacation, isn't it?"
People really do say this kind of stuff to us mom-folk. My answer to these kinds of queries is two-part. First: yes, I love being off work for a whole year to provide care for my daughter. Second: no, it's not like being on vacation. It's a heck of a lot more responsibility on the whole and this new employer doesn't offer great vacation pay.
So let's talk about that age-old debate: Who has it harder, the dads at work or the moms at home? Oh and yes, the ones at home will be referred to as the moms and the ones at work as the dads. Trying to be PC here will render me mealy-mouthed - or thumbed.
Anyway, the problem with this debate is you can't look at it as who has it harder in terms of tasks performed between the hours of nine and five, Monday to Friday. Pourquoi? Well, we're not comparing apples to apples here - one side is talking about apples (dads at work) while the other is really referring to the orchard (moms at home). The way I look at it, I am away from work for one year so that most of my focus can be on caring for my daughter. It is true that between the hours of nine and five, Monday to Friday, I change some diapers, engage in hilariously messy solid food feeding sessions, play ridiculous games, turn my living room into bizarro Studio 54 where it's all Raffi all the time, and so on.
Of course it's not always so lightweight. There are difficult moments, mornings, afternoons and days. There are frustrations and an incredible amount of worry. In the early days there were some tears. But really, I have to say that for the most part, what I do during the day in providing care for my daughter is easier than what I would be doing at work. There, I said it.
But it's from here on-in that things get messy. Quite simply, being on maternity leave is so much more than spending those eight hours a day, five days a week at home rather than at work. I know this isn't the way all new parents work it, but when our daughter was born my husband and I decided (well, I decided and he agreed) that I would breastfeed without pumping. This means no bottles, which leaves me in charge of all feeding for the majority of the first year. I also decided that I would be the one to get up with her through the night, whether she awoke due to hunger or not. I am also the one to get up with her in the morning, even if it's 4:30. These decisions were made not because I just want to be really nice, but because I consider it part of my responsibility in being on maternity leave.
I don't complain about how much - or how little - sleep I get (unless provoked a la "Why do you go to bed so early? You don't even go to work.") and I don't look for any medals. Like I said, I don't do this stuff to be nice or because I need to just suck it up and do the woman's work. I may not be "working" but I do report to a fairly demanding boss.
I'm not off work for a year with a baby at home. I am caring for my baby for a year, which is facilitated by being off work. And please don't misinterpret what I have said thus far: it's hard. It really is. It's a paradigm shift to a degree I have never before experienced. But I'm getting ahead of myself. More on this thought in my next post.
People really do say this kind of stuff to us mom-folk. My answer to these kinds of queries is two-part. First: yes, I love being off work for a whole year to provide care for my daughter. Second: no, it's not like being on vacation. It's a heck of a lot more responsibility on the whole and this new employer doesn't offer great vacation pay.
So let's talk about that age-old debate: Who has it harder, the dads at work or the moms at home? Oh and yes, the ones at home will be referred to as the moms and the ones at work as the dads. Trying to be PC here will render me mealy-mouthed - or thumbed.
Anyway, the problem with this debate is you can't look at it as who has it harder in terms of tasks performed between the hours of nine and five, Monday to Friday. Pourquoi? Well, we're not comparing apples to apples here - one side is talking about apples (dads at work) while the other is really referring to the orchard (moms at home). The way I look at it, I am away from work for one year so that most of my focus can be on caring for my daughter. It is true that between the hours of nine and five, Monday to Friday, I change some diapers, engage in hilariously messy solid food feeding sessions, play ridiculous games, turn my living room into bizarro Studio 54 where it's all Raffi all the time, and so on.
Of course it's not always so lightweight. There are difficult moments, mornings, afternoons and days. There are frustrations and an incredible amount of worry. In the early days there were some tears. But really, I have to say that for the most part, what I do during the day in providing care for my daughter is easier than what I would be doing at work. There, I said it.
But it's from here on-in that things get messy. Quite simply, being on maternity leave is so much more than spending those eight hours a day, five days a week at home rather than at work. I know this isn't the way all new parents work it, but when our daughter was born my husband and I decided (well, I decided and he agreed) that I would breastfeed without pumping. This means no bottles, which leaves me in charge of all feeding for the majority of the first year. I also decided that I would be the one to get up with her through the night, whether she awoke due to hunger or not. I am also the one to get up with her in the morning, even if it's 4:30. These decisions were made not because I just want to be really nice, but because I consider it part of my responsibility in being on maternity leave.
I don't complain about how much - or how little - sleep I get (unless provoked a la "Why do you go to bed so early? You don't even go to work.") and I don't look for any medals. Like I said, I don't do this stuff to be nice or because I need to just suck it up and do the woman's work. I may not be "working" but I do report to a fairly demanding boss.
I'm not off work for a year with a baby at home. I am caring for my baby for a year, which is facilitated by being off work. And please don't misinterpret what I have said thus far: it's hard. It really is. It's a paradigm shift to a degree I have never before experienced. But I'm getting ahead of myself. More on this thought in my next post.
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Thank you!